Priorities Change

Throughout my whole life I have been what is considered a people pleaser. I live to help others in anything they need and I find joy in making others happy. I have an emotional need to please others whether it be homework help, late night craving deliveries, or simply being a listening ear. Anything that the people around me needed became a task I took on myself. After about twenty years of pleasing people, I ended up seriously struggling within myself. As an individual my entire purpose became to help others no matter the cost to my own mental, emotional, and physical health. I was no longer a top priority in any aspect of my life and ultimately not even a priority at all. That is, until I had no choice but to choose me.

Story Time

In March 2021 my whole world changed. The forced desire I had to deny assistance was diminished and I had no choice but to ask for help. Sitting at my desk in a zoom class I suddenly had an immense pain strike my left gut and I had never felt a pain so strong. I couldn't get up, I couldn't sit, all I could do was slide onto the floor, lay in a ball, and sob. It was at that moment I knew I needed help. So I called. The inability to get words out through the tears was reason enough for friends to come running, pushing through my apartment door and ultimately carrying me into the car so we could get help. After a night in the Emergency Room and several tests, scans, and medications, the doctor found a tumor in my left ovary. So large it flipped on itself, twisting three times cutting off any blood flow to the ovary itself. Each twist sent worse pain through my body. I ended up in an emergency surgery and once again was left unable to operate, unable to do regular human activity like showering and getting out of bed, without help.

It wasn’t until that point that I realized, I need to take care of myself first and then I can help others. I realized that my ability to successfully help someone else greatly depended on how I felt. When I could not emotionally handle being the listening ear and problem solver for someone else because I was overwhelmed with my own problems, I learned to say no. When I physically wasn’t feeling strong enough to make deliveries or help clean, I learned to say no. When I mentally wasn’t present enough to help with homework, I learned to say no. When I realized how important it is to take care of myself first, I learned to say no. But not only that, I learned to ask for help. A people pleaser needs pleasing as well and people are not mind readers.

Challenge

Learn to say no. Learn to ask for help. Don't let yourself get to the point of having no choice. Make the choice now to make yourself a priority. Become a priority in your own life.